He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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