what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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