You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize