He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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