If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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