last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
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One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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