Need sex. Gaining weight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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