We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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