i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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