I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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