He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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