K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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