he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
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Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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