I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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