You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize