i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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