i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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