Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize