He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize