cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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