All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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