well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His hands were made for my vagina.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize