chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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