apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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