party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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