Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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