nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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