She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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