you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
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My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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