come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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