I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize