Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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