I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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