worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize