I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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