i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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