Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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