I am spending my child support on dildos
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize