I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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