And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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