Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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