i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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