I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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