I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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