maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize