I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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