Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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