But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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