i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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