love makes seman taste better
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize